Monday, June 07, 2004

Motherhood, etc.

How can a little thing take up so much of your time, energy and thoughts? She's still so tiny, but so powerful. She runs my life and I love it. She somehow changes immensely day to day. She's gone from a little blob of a baby who cries and sleeps and occasionally smiles at Mom and Dad to this creature who wants to communicate with everyone, jumps and wiggles all through worship at church, grabs a bottle and shoves it in her mouth and holds it herself, and has found her feet. It seems like it all happenned in one week. Since she was born she awoke every 2 to 4 hours no matter what. Then one day she just suddenly slept 8 hours and has done that every night for 10 days now. She amazes me.

Today, Mazen talked, no squealed, at everyone in Target. She did everything she could to get people to look and talk to her. It was funny, but I thought my ears might bust. She blew strawberries and squealed and smiled at people who weren't even looking at her. Finally in the check out lane the cashier decided to talk to her. She smiled and performed on cue. It was so sweet and cute. Then once in the van she decided to get tired and hungry and cry all the way home. I called Daddy and told him to meet me in the driveway! :) He's so helpful. Then we went upstairs and spent an hour trying to get an old window air conditioner into our upstairs window so that we can sleep without sweating tonight. It was 95 degrees today.

Sometimes I have to pinch myself. I can't believe I actually met the man of all my dreams (and then some) and got married and then got pregnant after being told my chances of getting pregnant were very slim. Some people were shocked that I married Michael so quickly. I knew they would be, but I didn't care. I knew to the depth of my heart and soul that this was the man God had prepared me for and that all my waiting was worth it because of this amazing package God presented to me in Michael. Others told me, "You'll just know." and I didn't really believe them. And then, of course, I had seen a lot of failed marriages from "I just knew!" so I didn't put much stock in that. Then I met Michael and I just knew. I don't know what it was, except I knew beyond any shadow of any doubt. I knew 100% that this was the man for me and I couldn't wait to marry him. My logical brain told me to wait a certain period of time because that is what you are supposed to do. And I told Michael that. Then God rebuked me for not even asking Him what His plan was for us. Oops. So I surrendered all my preconceived ideas of man for what should or shouldn't be and just let things go. It was the best decision of my life second only to the decision I made in 1982 to follow Christ. Not one day, one moment, one time have I ever regretted in the least my decision to marry Michael and when. It was miraculous, amazing, wonderful, and this man gets better everyday. I love him more everyday and I am impressed with him everyday.

He is a servant at all times, a man of God, a man of prayer, a man of integrity, and man of the Spirit. He took care of me when I was disabled while pregnant and waited on me hand and foot. He carries my bags in the airport, he opens doors for me, he grocery shops, cooks, takes our the trash, changes smelly diapers, feeds the dogs and carries them out to the yard no matter the weather every day. He helps me every time I ever ask him to. Sometimes he drives across town to bring me something important I forgot. He loves our doggies and he is an amazing father to Mazen.

I was so proud of him when she was born and he stayed with her every moment. We had just been through a traumatic experience and I was completely out under anesthesia when Michael got to be with her first. He touched her and held her hand while the doctors worked on her. Then he held her little body to his chest in the nursery and sang Amazing Grace to her and prayed over her. They bonded that hour and the two of them have been so close ever since. She loves her Daddy. No one can calm her down and give her peace and put her right to sleep like Daddy. She lights up when he enters the room. Every time she sees him she grins ear to ear and wiggles.

I am so blessed. So many times I gave up thinking I would never meet the right guy. I grieved the loss of a family thinking that I would never have children either. And it seems like overnight I have it all. I can't believe it. God is so good to His children. He's just waiting for us to be good and to trust Him. Forgive my doubts, O Lord.

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