Tuesday, February 21, 2006

I Don't Know Which Bothers Me Most

I've barely slept all night and can't stop thinking about how upset I am. I don't know if it's the inequity or the dishonesty that is bothering me the most. Or perhaps it is when I question if I am wasting my time. Why do what I do anyway? When systems and people find ways to avoid doing the right thing for those whom we serve then what is the point?
I know there are many perspectives, but the research has been clear. Stakeholders have been clear. I just don't get it sometimes. I thought we were way past this dilemma. I thought we had, at national levels, finally dealt with this issue both philosophically and functionally. But noooooooooooooooooo, here we are having the same problem we've had ever since I've been involved in this field. Will it ever end? Probably not - knowing the nature of man. I thought I had the ability to be of some influence by teaching, you know making a difference in the world by teaching others so they will understand and make wise choices. Today, I wonder. I woke up feeling like quitting teaching some of the classes I teach and focussing my energy and time on the one group of students who seem to "get it."
Arghhhhhhhhhh! Yes, life is unfair. Yes, I've seen many times how we hearing people get the biggest "benefit" of being included in the Deaf World. And I've greived over how Deaf people seem to get the shorter end of the stick often - even among those of us who are supposed to "get it" because we know the language and hang out with Deaf people and hear their stories. But, today, it feels even more raw... more gut level wrenching... and I wonder... in the big picture of things... how it will affect a diverse group of people who are trying to live in this world together. More inequity... more deception.... more to learn.... will it happen? I wish I had the time to write and publish an article about this. When my PhD is done, perhaps I'll be able to do something like that. For now... I'm just unloading here.
Still praying for wisdom and guidance....

1 comment:

Francisco and Kristy said...

Here I am once again so many miles from you, the one person who may be the most influencial in my life. And I cannot listen and I cannot help .. and I cannot even reach out and hug you, like you have so many times. I do not know what has happened and am not asking for you to share, I merely wish to say my eyes are tear filled and I wish to God that I could hug you and say just how much I think it sucks.